History of Custody (Part 1)

Jim and I worked out the details and logistics of our co-parenting long before we went to court for our divorce.  Week 1, I have the children Monday, Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday.  Week 2, I have them on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  It’s an unusual schedule, hard to explain to people, but it works for us.  And it was conceived at a time when our youngest was not quite 2 years old.  This schedule provided the children no more than 3 days away from either parent, an important consideration when children are very young.

While we were married, Jim’s aunt would babysit our children 2 days a week.  This began from the time I returned to work, so Aunt Charlotte was a constant in their lives from the time they were 6-10 weeks old.  As they got older, around the time they were 18 months, the children would sleep overnight twice a week.  Charlotte would pick them up at our house in the morning, keep them for the day and night, and then bring them to the day care center the following morning.

Then came the divorce and Jim’s blowout with his aunt.  And suddenly, the children were no longer allowed to go to their beloved aunt’s house on their father’s days.  So, I allowed them to go 1 day a week on my day and continue their sleepovers.  They also go up sometime in the afternoon on my Saturdays and sleepover.  I felt that during the chaos of divorce, the changes of living arrangements and being shuttled from one house to the other, having the constant of their relationship with their aunt was in their best interest.

When our separation began, neither JJ nor Bekah were in school.  So I would drive to Jim’s house before work, get the kids, and meet Charlotte in a nearby parking lot to transfer the children.  I thought it would be best to keep Jim and Charlotte separated, reducing the friction and the chance that things would be said in front of the children.

JJ started Kindergarten, so I would pick Bekah up at Jim’s and transfer her to Charlotte while Jim brought JJ to day care.  Charlotte would then drive to the day care center and pickup JJ after school, keep them overnight, and deliver them to the day care center the following morning.  This system worked until March, 2008.

During this time period, things were deteriorating between Jim and I.  I would pick Bekah up, and his girlfriend wouldn’t let me into the house.  There were confrontations at the karate studio, with her trying to intimidate me.  One morning in March, I went to pick Bekah up.  It was below freezing, and I stood on the steps waiting for her.  Nancy was getting her ready, and Jim opened the door for me.  I went in, and said, “I’m allowed in the house this morning?”  At this point, Nancy started screaming at me, in front of Bekah and JJ, that she was going to have me arrested for breaking and entering.  Words were exchanged, and as I left, she slammed the door on my foot.  I broke a window pane on the front door.  Not any of our finest moments.

I dropped Bekah off, and asked Charlotte if she would mind picking Bekah up at the day care center at the same time that she picked up JJ in the afternoon in order to reduce dealings with Jim and Nancy.  She agreed and from this point forward, all exchanges during the week were done at the day care center.  For example, when I have the children for the weekend, I bring them to the day care center on Monday morning, and Jim picks them up Monday night.  Then Wednesday, he would drop them off and I would pick them up in the evening.  The only time we now had to go to the other’s house was Saturday mornings. 

And for 6 months, this arrangement worked.  It worked until our oldest daughter wanted to live with me full time and I was awarded custody of her and child support.  Two months after that, Jim filed a motion for full custody of JJ and Bekah.