I so look forward to every other weekend when the kids are with their dad. I figure I’ll relax, sleep in, get the house clean, do something for me. But it never happens.
Yesterday, I was up at 8:00, and the kids were gone by 9:30 (Only 1/2 an hour late, but who’s counting?) I surfed around my favorite blogs, got showered and dressed, and left for the hairdresser for my 11:00 a.m. appointment.
My hairdresser tells me she has me down for noon. Which is okay, because I walked over to the pharmacy and made a few purchases, and then to the hardware store for an ice scraper to chop the ice off the end of the driveway and the sidewalk.
Went back to the hairdresser, and she took me early, and had time to straighten my hair. (I wish I could have taken a picture. I never have the time or patience to straighten my natural-curly hair.)
Came home, and plunked down in front of the TV. My nephew called, he wanted to come over and upload some CD’s into iTunes, so I picked him up. Made a half-assed attempt of cleaning the house. Watched more TV. Brought him home, stopped for take-out, and watched more TV.
Fell asleep at 10:30 on the couch, woke up at midnight and went to bed. Slept until 2:00 p.m.
Now I’m up, and surfed all the usual blogs again. And started thinking.
I miss having friends. It’s tough going through a divorce, and the friends get divvied up. Somehow through it all, I lost all of my friends. Not that I had a lot to start with. But it’s been hard for the last few years. I tried making new friends. I was even successful with one, until I loaned him money. But that’s another post.
So here I am, at the end of another weekend, homebound, tired, and depressed. I’m hoping it’s a combination of seasonal affective disorder and having my period. But in reality I know that it’s because I feel isolated, and alone. I have my family, my mom and my sister, but we tend to just talk on the phone. No one ever suggests grabbing lunch or seeing a movie, going shopping, or just hanging out and talking.
So, I’m going to turn this damned computer off, and at least get my house clean. Without turning on the TV for the noise and distraction it creates. Maybe some silence will be helpful. I wish I could become comfortable with being alone again, and not feel lonely. I think it’s just been too long now.
I feel so isolated sometimes too. My best friend lives close by, but we hardly do anything together anymore. It seems that my family has never gotten over my decision to have my son using an anonymous donor, and the only connection I have to them is thru my kids, whom they love. My sister lives a thousand miles away, and we’ve never really been close.
I rarely get any time to myself, and when I do, all I want to do is sleep, but end up racing around trying to get things done that I can’t get done with the kids around. I would love a day to myself to wander the stores, have coffee, browse at the bookstore, etc. But my family doesn’t think I deserve that because ‘I made the choice to have kids’ and that means I am not entitled to a day to myself.
Oh, honey do I ever feel your pain…
I made the mistake of allowing myself to become isolated after I got married. Now, there’s no one left to call. I keep in touch with old friends on facebook, but it’s just not the same.