I am introducing a new feature today, called Rate that Date, or in this case, Rate the Attempted Hook-up.
Let’s call the subject of our rating “Erik.” That’s what his mother calls him, so why shouldn’t we? I met Erik Saturday night at the local pub. As I was making my way to the DJ, I must have caught his eye.
“You are so beautiful. Look at those lips.” Grade: B- Yes, all woman love to be complimented, but the delivery could have been better. “You have beautiful lips.” ”Your eyes are gorgeous.” Fill in your own adjective and body part, but direct the comment to the woman you are complimenting, not to your friend or the universe.
“You are out of my league. You are so beautiful and just look at me.” Grade: D Seriously guys, there are few things that are sexier than self-confidence. If you aren’t self-confident, fake it.
Buying me a shot. Grade: A Taking the time to ask the bartender (my sister) what my favorite shot was impressive. And he bought me a second one. Good job.
Getting upset when the bartender won’t bring me a third shot because I’ve told her I don’t want anymore. Grade: C Sometimes, you have to take no for an answer. And I know when I’ve had enough.
“Do you smoke?” “I would prefer if you didn’t.” Grade: D Guess what? We just met, and you don’t get to have a preference about anything in my life.
Holding my hand, pawing at me, trying to kiss me and pulling my shirt out to look at my tits. Grade: F Just because you bought me shots does not give you the right to act like I am a piece of meat. Learn to read body language. I didn’t grasp your hand when you tried to hold mine. I pulled away every time you got in my face to try to kiss me. And I told you to stop when you pawed at me and pulled on my shirt. That’s not body language, that’s the English language.
Getting pissy when you figured out (after I plainly told you) that a one-night-stand was not going to happen. Grade: F Yeah, I got nothing else to say here.
Loitering in the parking lot for an hour after the bar closed while I helped clean and vacuum. Grade: F You creep me out, Stalker-Man.
Ummm were you at the bar with me a couple of weeks ago? Or maybe “Erik” was at the bar with me instead. I think you met the same man I did a few weeks ago.
I seriously hope that the “Erik’s” out there read this particular post.
Erik’s GPA isn’t all that hot is it?
We once brought cards with us that were numbered 1-10 and we would show them to each other… well that was a bacholorette party though. Still it wouldn’t be so bad would it?
I give you more credit than me though. I got tired of meeting an Erik at every opportunity. I’m on a dating and hook up break.
Holy crap. “F,” indeed.
OMG that was hilarious to read! probably not as fun when it was happening, but at least you got some free shots and a good story out of it
and now, because of Erik, i had a good laugh. woohoo! ya gotta have the loons to make the nice guys look good 