My first give away!

I was recently sent free samples of a new juice product.  Fruit2day is a fruit juice that contains bits of real fruit.  Each bottle contains 2 servings of fruit.

My 7-year-old son loved it!  We got to try all 4 flavors and he devoured every one of them.  Anything that helps the kids get their 5 servings of fruit is a-ok with me.

Now for the giveaway.  I have two coupons for a free Fruit2day 2-pack.  All you have to do is leave a comment and I will select two commenters at random.

Good Luck!

Happy Independence Day to Me!

It was exactly three years ago today that I moved out of my house and claimed my independence.

I received the call on July 3rd, 2006 that my apartment was ready for immediate occupancy.  I borrowed the security and first month’s rent from my mother and went to the rental office and signed the lease.  Then I went home to pack.

Luckily, Jim had already left to spend the weekend with Nancy and her children.  I managed to line up family and a friend for the big move on July 4th!

I didn’t take much.  JJ and Bekah threw some of their toys in a box.  I took the bed and my dresser, my great-grandmother’s china hutch, my step-sister’s dining room set, the portable dishwasher and freezer my mother bought us as Christmas presents, and the stove and dryer my step-mother bought us as a house-warming gift two years earlier.

I left everything else behind.  The dishes my mother bought for my bridal shower, the living room furniture, even the kids’ beds stayed.

My mother was my savior.  Not only did she loan me the money for the rent and security, she gave me her living room furniture and TV.  (She bought herself a new set.)  She bought a refrigerator and washer.  She bought the children new bedroom sets, and insisted on buying me a new mattress and box spring.  Everything from appliances to furniture, from the mop to the garbage can.

I like to take time every 4th of July to reflect on my new life, my independence day, and how much I have grown during this time.  I’ve lost friends and made new friends.  I survived a layoff, getting fired, and a temp job that never ends.

I’ve been broke and couldn’t pay my bills.  I got my divorce settlement and paid every debt off.  I’ve spent money I shouldn’t have, and now I save when I can.

I’ve been ambitious and I’ve been lazy.  I’ve made shrimp scampi from scratch and I’ve eaten Chef Boyardi for dinner.

But most importantly, like Frank Sinatra said, “I did it my way.”

I bit the bullet

I actually signed up for eHarmony.  And I’m already wondering if it’s worth it.

I know it’s only been 2 days.  But seriously, 2 matches already responded that they are pursuing other relationships.

So why are your profiles still up?  Why are you wasting my time? 

And am I wasting my own time?

Responsibility

It’s soooo easy to bitch, but not do anything to change the situation.  Jim loves to tell everyone that we suffer from a lack of communication.  Which we do.  But not for trying on my part. 

The latest…He feels it is my responsibility to call him and offer him the kids on Father’s Day since it falls on my weekend.  I’ve been waiting weeks for him to call me and ask for the kids. 

When an event falls on his day, and I want to take the kids (i.e. Passover, etc.) I call him and ask to switch days.  I don’t expect him to call me and offer the time. 

To top it off, I called him when he was getting married, offering him extra over nights with the kids in order to make the rehearsal and wedding day easier. 

When I did call him tonight to talk about this, he hung up on me. 

Jim, if you don’t want the kids, just be honest.  Don’t try to blame me for your behavior.  I just don’t accept that anymore.

History of Custody (Part 1)

Jim and I worked out the details and logistics of our co-parenting long before we went to court for our divorce.  Week 1, I have the children Monday, Tuesday, Saturday and Sunday.  Week 2, I have them on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  It’s an unusual schedule, hard to explain to people, but it works for us.  And it was conceived at a time when our youngest was not quite 2 years old.  This schedule provided the children no more than 3 days away from either parent, an important consideration when children are very young.

While we were married, Jim’s aunt would babysit our children 2 days a week.  This began from the time I returned to work, so Aunt Charlotte was a constant in their lives from the time they were 6-10 weeks old.  As they got older, around the time they were 18 months, the children would sleep overnight twice a week.  Charlotte would pick them up at our house in the morning, keep them for the day and night, and then bring them to the day care center the following morning.

Then came the divorce and Jim’s blowout with his aunt.  And suddenly, the children were no longer allowed to go to their beloved aunt’s house on their father’s days.  So, I allowed them to go 1 day a week on my day and continue their sleepovers.  They also go up sometime in the afternoon on my Saturdays and sleepover.  I felt that during the chaos of divorce, the changes of living arrangements and being shuttled from one house to the other, having the constant of their relationship with their aunt was in their best interest.

When our separation began, neither JJ nor Bekah were in school.  So I would drive to Jim’s house before work, get the kids, and meet Charlotte in a nearby parking lot to transfer the children.  I thought it would be best to keep Jim and Charlotte separated, reducing the friction and the chance that things would be said in front of the children.

JJ started Kindergarten, so I would pick Bekah up at Jim’s and transfer her to Charlotte while Jim brought JJ to day care.  Charlotte would then drive to the day care center and pickup JJ after school, keep them overnight, and deliver them to the day care center the following morning.  This system worked until March, 2008.

During this time period, things were deteriorating between Jim and I.  I would pick Bekah up, and his girlfriend wouldn’t let me into the house.  There were confrontations at the karate studio, with her trying to intimidate me.  One morning in March, I went to pick Bekah up.  It was below freezing, and I stood on the steps waiting for her.  Nancy was getting her ready, and Jim opened the door for me.  I went in, and said, “I’m allowed in the house this morning?”  At this point, Nancy started screaming at me, in front of Bekah and JJ, that she was going to have me arrested for breaking and entering.  Words were exchanged, and as I left, she slammed the door on my foot.  I broke a window pane on the front door.  Not any of our finest moments.

I dropped Bekah off, and asked Charlotte if she would mind picking Bekah up at the day care center at the same time that she picked up JJ in the afternoon in order to reduce dealings with Jim and Nancy.  She agreed and from this point forward, all exchanges during the week were done at the day care center.  For example, when I have the children for the weekend, I bring them to the day care center on Monday morning, and Jim picks them up Monday night.  Then Wednesday, he would drop them off and I would pick them up in the evening.  The only time we now had to go to the other’s house was Saturday mornings. 

And for 6 months, this arrangement worked.  It worked until our oldest daughter wanted to live with me full time and I was awarded custody of her and child support.  Two months after that, Jim filed a motion for full custody of JJ and Bekah.

Dude, Where’s My Money?

Suddenly, I can’t seem to get my budget to balance.  My income has gone down and my expenses have gone up, but I didn’t think that it was going to effect me as much as it has.

First, my child support has gone down $80-100 a month.  Jim had to pay arrears in the amount of $20 per week, but he’s paid it off.  In reality, I didn’t think it was going to effect my bottom line, because I take the money he pays and put it in an account earmarked for Shaunna’s college.  When the amount went down, so did the amount I was saving in her account, but I didn’t decrease the overall amount I was saving.  In fact, I increased it $40-50 per month, putting the difference in my emergency fund.

Then, my rent went up $67 per month.  I’m lucky that my rent is based on my income, and since my income increased, so did the rent.  I’m happy about the increase in income, so I can swallow the rent increase.

Gas prices have increased again.  I’ve had to buy new tires and I have to register the car this month.

I paid off the loan from my father, and I thought I would be able to start applying that amount to my attorney’s bill, but then Shaunna and I had our teeth cleaned, x-rays for me, and fillings for her, so that money is now going to the dentist every month.

So, what’s a girl to do?  Here are my short term goals:

1.  Lower savings to $200 per week instead of $300 per week.
2. Call auto insurance company and drop collision.  (My van is 10 years old.  It’s time to stop paying for coverage I don’t need.)
3. Compare auto insurance prices.
4. Stop using credit cards as a stop-gap at the end of the month when the money runs out.  Then I won’t have to stress about paying those suckers in full the following month.
5. Start filling my van with gas in Massachusetts when I am there once a week already.  Gas is $0.11 a gallon less, so that will save me roughly $7.50 a month.
6. Stop eating out.  Period.  This is going to be easier now that I use Peapod to get my groceries instead of waiting until there is absolutely no food in the house.
7. Find out when my cell phone contract is up and price plans with other carriers.
8. Quit smoking.  There’s a savings of over $200.00 a month.

Mid term goals:

1. Get emergency fund back to $1,000.  I need about $525.00
2. Replace $6,500 into downpayment fund that I have spent over the last 6 months.  (Oh, that hurt admitting that.)

How am I going to do this? 

• Work as much overtime as I can to accomplish these goals over the next 6 months.
• Snowflake any money that I come in under budget towards my emergency fund first, then towards my downpayment fund.
• Blog monthly updates about my progress toward reaching these goals.

I hate grocery shopping

There.  I’ve admitted it.  It’s the first step to recovery, right?  Admitting you have a problem.

I hate spending my precious time walking up and down aisles, comparing unit costs, figuring out if using a coupon for item X is better than buying item Y without a coupon.

I HATE taking my children to the grocery store.  Because it just seems to take so much longer, and the bill is so much higher when they are with me.

I have finally seen the light.  I received my second order from Peapod tonight.  At 9:00 p.m. to be exact.  I love it.  I can sort by unit price on their website, so I know I am getting the best deal.  I can figure out whether that coupon is really saving me money.  I pick what time they deliver, so I can spend time with my kids, and I only have to worry about putting the groceries away after they are in bed.  Plus, I find that I am spending less on groceries because I am not tempted by the pretty products and artful displays.

And, if you enter my email address (DivorcedLifestyle@cox.net) when you start your order, you and I will both receive $10 off our orders.  How awesome is that?

Happy Memorial Day!

We are having an impromptu cookout tonight.  Hamburgs and steak are defrosting, picked up some hot dogs for Miss Bekah, macaroni is cooked and cooling, waiting for me to add the rest of the ingredients for my amazing tuna mac salad, onion dip is made, kids will be shucking corn soon, and for desert:  apple-cherry-blueberry pie with vanilla ice cream.

It will just be me, Shaunna, her boyfriend, JJ and Bekah.  Just perfect.

Don’t forget to thank a veteran today.  Special thanks to my dad, my stepdad, and my cousin for their service to our country.

Deep Sorrow

Things will be quiet around here for a few days.  A family friend passed away this weekend.  She was the wife of the boy who took me to my junior prom.

Enfield Woman Dies; Hit By Van Driven By Mother

By VANESSA DE LA TORRE | The Hartford Courant

6:51 PM EDT, May 16, 2009

 

ENFIELD – After giving birth to their first daughter, Isabella, Norma Post decided to stop working as an office assistant. She wanted to become a full-time volunteer and mother, raising children with her high school sweetheart.

“A great mom … always there for somebody,” her husband, Dan Post, said Saturday afternoon.

That is how people in Enfield will remember his wife, Norma, a 39-year-old resident who died hours earlier in a pedestrian accident at the King Street Mobil on Route 5.

Her mother, Carol Dodd, 70, of Enfield, was the driver of a van police say hit Post at 4:56 a.m. in the station’s parking lot. An ambulance rushed Post to Baystate Medical Center in Springfield, where she was pronounced dead.

No charges had been filed and the investigation was still underway Saturday, police said.

And her obituary.

POST, Norma E. (Dodd) Norma E. (Dodd) Post, of Enfield, whose earthly journey ended unexpectedly on Saturday (May 16, 2009), has gone on to her eternal life. Norma was the beloved wife of 17 years to Daniel Post, devoted and loving mother of Isabella, 14 and Lillian, 10, and daughter of Frank P. Sr. and Carol (Sullivan) Dodd of Enfield. She is also survived by her grandfather, Joseph White of Enfield; a sister, Theresa (Dodd) Barnaby and husband, Dan of Holland, MA; two brothers, Jim Dodd and wife, Michelle of Enfield and Frank P. Dodd, Jr. of Florida along with many nieces, nephews, cousins and friends. She will be greatly missed but will always remain in our hearts. She was predeceased by her grandmother Mary Lou White. Norma was born on May 20, 1969 in Nashville, TN and resided in Enfield for the past 31 years. She attended St. Adalbert’s School and graduated from Enfield High School. Norma was currently employed with Hallmark Cards, Inc., St. Bernard’s Church/School and Smyth Bus Co. As dedicated mother and school supporter Norma was a member of the St. Bernard’s School Board and ran the St. Bernard’s School Bingo. She also was a member of the Enfield 4th of July Committee for the past 13 years, was on the Enfield Town Charter Revision Committee, active in local politics and volunteered at the Little Sisters of the Poor/St. Joseph’s Residence. She was a huge UT VOLS fan. Norma touched so many lives it is nearly impossible to describe how much she will be missed. All of those who loved her know that she is now among the angels she loved so much. Her greatest joys in life were her daughters, husband and entire family. Funeral services in celebration of Norma’s life will be held on Wednesday May 20, 2009 with the funeral procession forming at 10 a.m. from Browne Memorial Funeral Chapels 43 Shaker Rd. Enfield to St. Patrick’s Church for a 11 a.m. Mass of Christian Burial followed by internment at St. Patrick’s King St. Cemetery in Enfield. Norma’s family will receive relatives and friends on Tuesday May 19, from 3-8 p.m. at Browne Memorial Funeral Chapels. In lieu of flowers memorial donations may be made to the Isabella and Lillian Post Education Fund C/O Webster Bank 50 Freshwater Blvd. Enfield, CT 06082 or St. Bernard’s School 232 Pearl St. Enfield, CT 06082. For online condolences or directions visit: www. brownefuneralhome.com

Verizon Discount

Last week, Shaunna went to Verizon to buy a new charger for her Blackberry.  She told me that she got 25% off because I pay my bill on time every month.  I looked all over their website and I couldn’t find anything about this discount, so I don’t know if it’s a local thing.  But if you have Verizon Wireless, it can’t hurt to ask.

Who knew paying bill on time could entitle you to more discounts?  When I was married to Jim, we paid our cell phone bill once every three month – only when they shut off our service.  It’s a great feeling being able to pay bills on time, every time.

Imagine if all companies offered a discount for paying bills on time.  I wouldn’t mind saving money on my electricity, gas, water.  Hell, it’d be awesome if the rent went down every year instead of up!